The hair dilemma

It wasn't exactly a dilemma. Yet after getting the reddish-brown wig trimmed on Tuesday, it still wasn't right. I'd put it on and take it off. Put it on and couldn't decide why I didn't like it. Finally, I decided there was just too much hair on the top, it was too poofy. I decided to try a different wig shop than the first one I went to. The first one was in the Cherry Creek shopping district. It was like being on Newbury Street in Boston or on Rodeo Drive. Quite elite, lots of perfectly starched white shirts with ties and girls in high heels in perfect clothes. Nothing against looking nice. I just wasn't feeling so good about the prospect of loosing my hair or starting chemotherapy. I went the day before I started the chemo. I tried on a couple wigs and the girls were nice enough. But at $200 or $300 for a wig (or more), I couldn't commit. Yesterday's trip was better. Mom and I went to a place where the owner was cancer-free for 15 years. I found the right place. She also said she was more than a survivor, she was a conqueror. That's the same word I've chosen. A conqueror. Although I've been surprised when someone says something about my "battle with cancer" or or my "fight with cancer." I don't feel like it's a battle or a fight. Yet in choosing "conqueror," I'm also choosing "battle" and "fight." I digress. I found success at this new shop. She even fixed my first wig. I don't know how much I'll wear a wig but I have the choice now.

My hair is starting to go. It's not falling out but I can pull it right out. Like a dozen little hairs at one time. It doesn't feel like anything. I'm so glad I cut it last week. I think pulling out a dozen long strands would be too much. OK, so pulling out little hairs is weird too. This morning, my scalp felt like I had a pony tail in too tight and had just taken the elastic out. You girls know how that feels.

How am I feeling? Sort of how it was after the babies were born. I'll be doing something and all of a sudden it's time to quit and rest. I do seem to bounce back faster now. Sleeping is still an issue. I get about halfway through the night and wake up. I can't bring myself to take the very expensive sleeping pills. Oh I have them. There's also the problem of the side effects-the sleep-eating, sleep-cooking and sleep-driving. When I mentioned those, the doc said that those are rare side-effects. We'll see.